It has been a while since I last wrote here, as I have been busy with charity work, and school work in general. But yep, you’re right. None of these excuses are valid. A writer should always find time. And fine, I may not be a writer, but I’d like to be !
However, despite my lack of time, there are still a few updates that I need to note.
1. I changed my BFA Major from Editing to Screenwriting.
Which means that I need to write a FEATURE-LENGTH script. I have already pitched ideas for myself, and the best one is already on its way to being treated (meaning: figure the story out). So although I’m super excited about it, I will probably spend a large majority of my time like this:
But it’s good because I always get my school work done, so it’s in a way selfish because I chose to major in screenwriting so that I have a feature length script under my belt when I graduate. That goes without saying — a script that has been looked at by a professional screenwriter. So that’s somewhat exciting. And selfish of me. I’m a terribad person.
2. I wrote a SPEC SCRIPT and I will submit it to contests.
That’s right! Ya heard me! I wrote 55 pages or so following the series’ format, and boom! Done! I’m really happy about it, but hey what do they say? Writers are the worst judges of their work. So yep.
3. Continued writing the 2nd book, but these days it feels like :
And finally -
4. Thinking of submitting my finished novel to competitions instead, since agents literally suck. Pun intended.
Anyway, this post is short, and so’s my inspiration these days. I need to start soaking in my imagination juices again, but I feel so waterproof these days…uh. Well anyway, I’ll try.
When I am writing a book, I am creating an horcrux. Because when it is finished, a part of me will be kept within its pages.A Stranger’s Tales
I had always found a certain comfort in knowing J.K Rowling had been rejected countless times before publishing Harry Potter. But then, the “countless times” ended up having a value, and that value didn’t even have two digits. I mean, come on! The number “8” is so tiny and insignificant, that it makes me laugh. I had imagined a little “30” times, fine, minimum 20 times…but 8?! It shatters all my hopes.
The comfort I had found in knowing this unknown value made my rejections a little easier to put up with, and a little more “meant to be”, in the sense that “J.K Rowling got rejected a zillion times, so why in the world wouldn’t I be rejected three million zillion times more?” You know? But now this “8” changes everything. Because to this day, I have been rejected 8 times. 8 times, and it’s already painful. So knowing that SHE was ONLY rejected 8 times, makes me wonder how many hundred times more I’ll be rejected. If ever - stumble across someone who’s interested. Cause I might as well be infinitely rejected and ignored.
Am I that foolish to have the slightest faith in this book? The slightest hope that someone will like it? Will want to get lost in this world the same way I did? It seems impossible now, like the day when I realised that with all my respiratory problems (and being Belgian), I would never make it to the NASA.
People around me always say “Dreams are meant for dreaming. They don’t happen.” and I always replied “Well I believe that if you believe in something strongly enough and with the right passion and motivation — you can get there!”, but it’s easier to say that to others than to face the harsh cheek-slapping reality of my own shattered dreams.
Will I ever become a writer? Sure, maybe, in a corner of my room.
Will I ever publish? That remains to be seen.
"This is not for me, but thank you for the look."
I think rejections like these hurt the most because you can tell they’re genuine. I’d almost prefer the horrible copy-pasted rejection than this clear indication that my project clearly sucks.
Maybe she could have said “I read it over, and unfortunately, I wasn’t as compelled as I had hoped” or whatever, but “this is not for me” just makes me want to curl into a pitiful ball of sobs. I guess it makes it a little less worse knowing that I had only sent the query - no sample writing. Although it also implies that my query / premise is not strong enough to compel a stranger into reading more.
Uhhh, I hate my query, and I don’t know how to make it better. I guess I’ll have to ask my sister for help (she finished reading it last weekend!)
The slightest hint of a joke here is non-existent. I swear to god, what is this heeeeeell?
I want to write book two now, but I have the worst writer’s block ever. I mean, how is it possible that I, out of all people, don’t know how it ends?
The first book - I knew the beginning, the middle, and the end before my words even printed themselves on paper. And I DID know how the second book was gonna end (and the third) at the time, but then something happened in between then and now. Oh, you’re asking what happened? Well - I grew up. I’m no longer a childish child - I upgraded to a childish young adult now. So yes, not all ideas were carried through in the land of what I consider “awesome” and “amazing” and “hell yeah, suckaaaa”.
So my current dilemma is not the fact that I CAN’T write, cause I know I can - somewhat. It’s just that I don’t know WHAT about. I’m stuck on the what, and I can’t pin the story down. So maybe - I should just write and it will come to me. Maybe, as I see the development of my characters and story arcs, I’ll want them to go through different situations and the story will mold itself through them, and on the way, somehow, I’ll figure something out. At least, I hope so.
I think this is the best example I have that I’m writing for myself and not for others. Because I’ve been rejected already a couple of times by renowned agents that know what good shit is, and yet I somehow still have this growing need to write and write and write. Even if I keep doubting myself. Daily.
I know that writing is what I’ll spend the majority of my life doing in whatever free time I can make for myself, so maybe I have to be more patient with my ideas and let them come to fruition alone. EXCEPT I WANT THEM NOW. Waiting for an epiphany at the moment is like waiting for my sunburn to turn into a tan (note: I was reading a book outside for two hours, and might as well have turned my right arm into bacon).
Anyway, I needed to write about something I know - and that is, my insecurities and never-ending self-doubt :D Do I still get points for writing? I hope so..
Anyway, peace, homies :D
Gonna go do some more self-moping on my own! *violins start playing their song*
PS: I might need to print this and stick it on my wall:
…though that might change the type of “motivation” I’m after…hihih
The way I see it - if you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.Dolly Parton - although it’s really from “the Fault in our Stars” which made me cry a hundred times. Simply beautiful.
Let us begin this letter by stating an obvious fact: our relationship does not end the minute you hand us the hard drive (which obviously, should be a production hard drive – and not our personal one). Yes, you might laugh at what seems to be a universally acknowledged truth, but rare are the times where the directors actually care enough to make this relationship last.
Now let us jump to another highly frustrating fact: you are the directors, so do not count on us to care about your movie more than you do. If we send you a cut, please take the freakin’ time to watch the cut carefully, take notes, and send us the feedback as soon as you get it. Why should you expect us to send you the new cut hours after you send the feedback, and yet take weeks to send us feedback on a ten-minute cut? It’s your film. If you don’t take the time to sit down and care about it, then why should we?
Oh, I’m sorry, you’re busy? Well let us break it to you – so are we. Everyone’s job ends when ours begin, and you shouldn’t be out partying when we are waiting on you to finish our fun but exhausting job. That’s simply disrespectful and rude. I mean, we would also like to finish our work, and enjoy the summer. And yes, we understand that you need time to think about the cut and about the best changes that will push the film to its absolute best – so why not let us in on the decisions too? We don’t bite (at least, as far as I know). We can brainstorm together. And, sure, it’s your film, your vision, you shot it.. but we’re here to make your story come alive - not make it ours. So don’t leave us in the dark for weeks; our job doesn’t solely consist on synching sound and assembling shots together. We too are problem-solvers and think in somewhat creative ways. If you don’t know that, try editing someone else’s film. For free.
Of course - do not, under any circumstances, hand us footage YOU HAVE NEVER EVER LOOKED AT. You are not supposed to discover the footage through a cut. That just brings us back to one of our main points: if you don’t care about your film – why should we?
Okay, so you’ve discussed the shot list with us before the shoot, and when we get the rushes, we discover you took out a bunch of shots and changed a lot of things? Yeah, that should never happen. You have to call us, or speak with the script supervisor at least (who should be someone who edits by the way). I mean, the number of times we’ve been stuck with one angle for a scene because none of the “changed angles” cut together is ridiculous. Call. Us. It’s not because each of your shots are individually beautiful that they will cut together. This has to be stressed. Multiple times.
Editing is so underestimated that it’s always a pain to work with directors who think our job is as simple as assembling a puzzle. If editing was as simple as that – don’t you think more people would do it? For example, why aren’t you editing your own film? That’s right, you want an objective eye to have a look at it. So trust us. We’re not here to make your movie the worst in the world. We’re gonna have our name printed as editor. Do you think we would want to be associated with a terrible movie? I didn’t think so.
Anyway, this letter should go to all the short-film-directors, or directors in general, who hire editors (for free), and treat them like their job is the easiest in the world. It’s not. And stop with the whole “we’ll fix it in post” or “we’ll save it in the edit” bullcrap. We’re editors, not magicians. We cannot invent shots for you. But what we can do is discuss magical ways to invent shots and transitions that you will stick to on the shoot before you start the shoot.
That pretty much sums up most of the points.
Frustrated editors working for free.
It’s like when I play basketball - if I’m practicing before a big game, I can’t ever let the energy drop back down to zero. I have to keep it up, until I’m fully ready to kick ass during the game (— though I never really kick ass.)
It’s just a metaphor anyway.
I’VE BEEN WRITING! Well, short snippets of things; memories, random ideas crossing my mind, poems, stuff.
Though that won’t get my book published, it surely gets my creative juices flowing, and maybe that’s what I need the most right now!
PS: My sister has started reading again (her exams are over) — and she’s almost halfway! My heart races every time she sends me a message - I honestly don’t know how I’d react if she ends up hating it.