The slightest hint of a joke here is non-existent. I swear to god, what is this heeeeeell?
I want to write book two now, but I have the worst writer’s block ever. I mean, how is it possible that I, out of all people, don’t know how it ends?
The first book - I knew the beginning, the middle, and the end before my words ever printed themselves on paper. And I DID know how the second book was gonna end (and the third) at the time, but then something happened in between then and now. Oh, you’re asking what happened? Well - I grew up. I’m no longer a childish child - I upgraded to a childish young adult now. So yes, not all ideas were carried through in the land of what I consider “awesome” and “amazing” and “hell yeah, suckaaaa”.
So my current dilemma is not the fact that I CAN’T write, cause I know I can - somewhat. It’s just that I don’t know WHAT about. I’m stuck on the what, and I can’t pin the story down. So maybe - I should just write and it will come to me. Maybe, as I see the development of my characters and story arcs, I’ll want them to go through different situations and the story will mold itself through them, and on the way, somehow, I’ll figure something out. At least, I hope so.
I think this is the best example I have that I’m writing for myself and not for others. Because I’ve been rejected already a couple of times by renowned agents that know what good shit is, and yet I somehow still have this growing need to write and write and write. Even if I keep doubting myself. Daily.
I know that writing is what I’ll spend the majority of my life doing in whatever free time I can make for myself, so maybe I have to be more patient with my ideas and let them come to fruition alone. EXCEPT I WANT THEM NOW. Waiting for an epiphany at the moment is like waiting for my sunburn to turn into a tan (note: I was reading a book outside for two hours, and might as well have turned my right arm into bacon).
Anyway, I needed to write about something I know - and that is, my insecurities and never-ending self-doubt :D Do I still get points for writing? Yes? No?
Anyway, peace, homies :D
Gonna go do some more self-moping on my own! *violins start playing their song*
PS: I might need to print this and stick it on my wall:
…though that might change the type of “motivation” I’m after…hihih
The way I see it - if you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.Dolly Parton - although it’s really from “the Fault in our Stars” which made me cry a hundred times. Simply beautiful.
Let us begin this letter by stating an obvious fact: our relationship does not end the minute you hand us the hard drive (which obviously, should be a production hard drive – and not our personal one). Yes, you might laugh at what seems to be a universally acknowledged truth, but rare are the times where the directors actually care enough to make this relationship last.
Now let us jump to another highly frustrating fact: you are the directors, so do not count on us to care about your movie more than you do. If we send you a cut, please take the freakin’ time to watch the cut carefully, take notes, and send us the feedback as soon as you get it. Why should you expect us to send you the new cut hours after you send the feedback, and yet take weeks to send us feedback on a ten-minute cut? It’s your film. If you don’t take the time to sit down and care about it, then why should we?
Oh, I’m sorry, you’re busy? Well let us break it to you – so are we. Everyone’s job ends when ours begin, and you shouldn’t be out partying when we are waiting on you to finish our fun but exhausting job. That’s simply disrespectful and rude. I mean, we would also like to finish our work, and enjoy the summer. And yes, we understand that you need time to think about the cut and about the best changes that will push the film to its absolute best – so why not let us in on the decisions too? We don’t bite (at least, as far as I know). We can brainstorm together. And, sure, it’s your film, your vision, you shot it.. but we’re here to make your story come alive - not make it ours. So don’t leave us in the dark for weeks; our job doesn’t solely consist on synching sound and assembling shots together. We too are problem-solvers and think in somewhat creative ways. If you don’t know that, try editing someone else’s film. For free.
Of course - do not, under any circumstances, hand us footage YOU HAVE NEVER EVER LOOKED AT. You are not supposed to discover the footage through a cut. That just brings us back to one of our main points: if you don’t care about your film – why should we?
Okay, so you’ve discussed the shot list with us before the shoot, and when we get the rushes, we discover you took out a bunch of shots and changed a lot of things? Yeah, that should never happen. You have to call us, or speak with the script supervisor at least (who should be someone who edits by the way). I mean, the number of times we’ve been stuck with one angle for a scene because none of the “changed angles” cut together is ridiculous. Call. Us. It’s not because each of your shots are individually beautiful that they will cut together. This has to be stressed. Multiple times.
Editing is so underestimated that it’s always a pain to work with directors who think our job is as simple as assembling a puzzle. If editing was as simple as that – don’t you think more people would do it? For example, why aren’t you editing your own film? That’s right, you want an objective eye to have a look at it. So trust us. We’re not here to make your movie the worst in the world. We’re gonna have our name printed as editor. Do you think we would want to be associated with a terrible movie? I didn’t think so.
Anyway, this letter should go to all the short-film-directors, or directors in general, who hire editors (for free), and treat them like their job is the easiest in the world. It’s not. And stop with the whole “we’ll fix it in post” or “we’ll save it in the edit” bullcrap. We’re editors, not magicians. We cannot invent shots for you. But what we can do is discuss magical ways to invent shots and transitions that you will stick to on the shoot before you start the shoot.
That pretty much sums up most of the points.
Frustrated editors working for free.
It’s like when I play basketball - if I’m practicing before a big game, I can’t ever let the energy drop back down to zero. I have to keep it up, until I’m fully ready to kick ass during the game (— though I never really kick ass.)
It’s just a metaphor anyway.
I’VE BEEN WRITING! Well, short snippets of things; memories, random ideas crossing my mind, poems, stuff.
Though that won’t get my book published, it surely gets my creative juices flowing, and maybe that’s what I need the most right now!
PS: My sister has started reading again (her exams are over) — and she’s almost halfway! My heart races every time she sends me a message - I honestly don’t know how I’d react if she ends up hating it.
It’s been kinda crazy these days. Between shoots and edits and meetings and appointments, I’ve had no time for myself. “Time for myself” obviously meaning “writing”, cause that’s what I do when my time is not taken by something else. Sometimes I honestly wish I could be a full-time writer, but I already know I could never be a “full-time” anything. My mind wanders in way too many directions, and pushing it into one spot will do it more harm than good. Actually - it doesn’t make much sense but, doing more things makes me better in them individually, as opposed to if I were to only do that one thing. It makes no sense, but my body understands it, so that’s all that really matters in the end.
Julia, my friend, has been reading -slowly, but surely-. Her reactions to the twists are amazing, and her feedback is constructive, but I still can’t be fully convinced any of it is genuine, you know? Although I’d be too self-absorbed to think all these people got together to plot a conspiracy against me. Then again, accepting that they all actually like it is less easy to believe than the latter option.
How can I believe in this book and yet not believe in myself at the same time? It makes no sense.
I make no sense.
Haaaaaaa, just vomiting some words on a page to train my fingers back in the game.
Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren’t even there before.Mignon McLaughlin (I honestly wish that one day, this will make the slightest sense)
I’m usually -despite all the roller-coaster-emotions- rather optimistic about things. Recently, I’ve been optimistic about my work.
Maybe it’s the rejections, maybe it’s the time passing and the not-so-good news climbing on the train every week or so. It’s stressful to think that I’m on a ride that can’t stop until it reaches my destination. My goal. And what happens when you’re on a “you’re all free to join” ride, and get all sorts of nasty passengers you don’t want on it? However, I need to be able to accept that rejections don’t mean they reject me as a writer. It just means they aren’t compatible with my project. And maybe that’s for the best.
Perhaps in a few years I’ll look back to this post and twitch a smile remembering: “Ohh, those were the days where my fragile confidence was shattered a little more every day.”
I suppose it’s nice to keep my head up in the sky, floating in a dream state, while my feet stay glued to the ground… But I feel my head going down - being taken down by an overpowering force that I often like to call: low self-confidence.
This is something I’ve been constantly working on, and yes, I’m still a massive construction site BUT, I’m getting there. However, all this “unfortunately this project doesn’t quite appeal to my taste” crap is making me take a step back for every two I take forward. And I suck at dancing. So there goes that.
But anyways, I don’t want to write something -and pour my feelings out like a dribbling wet sponge- and not have something positive in it. Something that gives me a little more hope and motivation.
J.K Rowling was rejected.
G.R.R Martin was rejected.
Shakespeare too was probably rejected.
So why would I, out of all these amazing and beautiful writers, not be rejected a couple of times too? (A lot of times)
(in no particular order)
1. Have an agent to represent my book
2. Have my driver’s license
3. Be an active member at the gym
4. SALSA CLASSES
5. Have my paid internship secured
6…….IN THE STATES!
7. Finished the book sequel’s draft
8. Writing the next one
9. Have been active in school and gotten maintained a good GPA
There’s probably more but I need to stay realistic.